Truth be told, I've had a subscription to this thing for quite some time, but have just started to see it as a useful personal tool. I've never blogged or had an online journal before, so the idea of throwing everything out there into the digital aether, although familiar as a concept, is still not something I'm quite comfortable with.

I suppose, though, that it is an acceptable way to be expressive and my own silly way of trying to feel contemporary.

I am one of the lucky few who get to be creative per se for a living. Admittedly, as horrible as having to work is, I am thankful everyday that I can go to a relatively cush office and draw and make things and get paid for it. It all happened by accident and I can't complain about that. As Jerry at my office said after he took a look at my career line on my palm -- you are a very lucky girl. I suppose that I sometimes think I am -- it's hard to be objective, yes? But the commercial world does have it's compromises and I'm not working at a big company to get my creative rocks off.

Therein lies the utility of personal drawings and a forum like deviantArt for me.

My output is slim and I'm lucky if I produce one thing that I find palatable a year. This has everything to do with my own laziness and the un/necessary distractions that are attached with boys, television, the internet, and more unchecked laziness. Generally, my need to be entertained.

I have been recoloring and adding textures to drawings that I had completed some time ago -- basically re-exploring a style of characters and themes that I put aside for some time. They still evoke things for me and I had always considered them sketches that I would develop further as my skills with CS increased.

My greatest struggle is in choosing an avenue of character style to really delve into and flesh out. I have a hard time deciding between the characters that have the basic black pupils and the characters that are more realistic looking. I dodge between the two -- which in some respects is silly but for some reason I find highly necessary. I suppose that I struggle with this, because environmental ideas and themes fall into place once the main character is designated. I do get stronger reactions from the girls with the basic black pupils, and although having an audience is arbitrary, it also isn't.